Poem from my bleeding heart...(I'm not an expert...) i just hope you like it?..?

How can you?





How can i make you feel the pain you handed me?


How can i make you see?


How can you ruthlessly cut the strings of life?


from this pitiful existence?


and then walked all over me without a glance?


Did you think i was numb, i do not know love?


nor could i bleed..not even an ounce?





How can I?


How can you?





you crushed my heart


you tore it apart!

Poem from my bleeding heart...(I'm not an expert...) i just hope you like it?..?
I like your poem' and it expresses how it feels when someone tears our heart apart ' and how we feel so sad' and full of sorrrow when it happens.you explained it good' as it feels to have it happen to ourself's
Reply:from a male perspective I feel your pain. I could dedicate that poem to a girl I know.
Reply:It seems to be a very personal expression of a very real circumstance.





"Like it" is relative however.





Though many will; Judging your submission is probably only relative in the sense that others might relate to it,,,OR for technical aspects of it. I find it arrogant otherwise, for anyone to RATE any body of work offered publically.





More important might be the question to you..."What did it do for you or offer you in writing it?" Has it been cathartic? have you sensed a "healing" through it? Do you now, or will you carry it; release it? Finally; was it, or will it be shared with the object of it's target?





Steven Wolf
Reply:Dear Gawdess,





The structure is good. There is one thing I would do though, and that is change some of the tenses. Such as: "How could you ruthlessly...", and "How can I? How could you?". It think it would make a nice contrast.


You have to play with words. Don't be afraid of them...





A :)
Reply:just as you mentioned in your other ??? maybe the feelings has changed also.
Reply:if i say 'i love it', please realize that i don't mean i love your anguish, but the way you have expressed it. what you have done, in this poem, is taken crap and made it into something strong, something which has a life of it's own. do you read Baudelaire? please hang in there, please keep on writing, keep on asking questions, keep on growing . you can overcome , you just have to believe in yourself. if it was easy, everyone would be an expert.
Reply:wow. it is a poem about how a guy broke your heart right. it was very powerful. good poem.
Reply:I think opinions are helpful. I am a better poet since coming here last May (got suspended once). I like your poetic expressions. Usually, I don't comment of 'the young and tortured', but you have literary talent. Keep working on your rhythm and rhyme. Sophistication will come after you've found 2,000 more words. TD
Reply:Writing these poems is a great way to make me see. I like it. Being a hard on yourself it seems. Don't be and maybe your heart wouldn't bleed. ERRROOF!

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