Please Help! My heart is bleeding. Anyone with kind words of wisdom is desperately needed!!?

I’m in pain right now. I’ve been mentally beaten down by someone I cared about. My boyfriend and I got in a drunken fight on the phone last night and he said the most hurtful things. He told me that he never really cared about me and his feelings were all a facade. He then told me that I have problems in a very condescending way. This was all after I told him how I felt about him. It was like he was spitting daggers because he felt challenged. I was bulimic for 8 years and have been recovered now for 1 year. He knows that I deal with depression and he knows that I have “issues”. It’s like he took my most insecure secrets and used them against me. I’m in therapy and have been doing so well but lately i've been stagnate in my recovery because of him. I used to be strong, I was on the right path to self discovery but he’s broken me down. I suffer from severe co-dependency issues and I don’t know how to break away from him. Good or bad I get addicted to someone and can’t leave.

Please Help! My heart is bleeding. Anyone with kind words of wisdom is desperately needed!!?
An addictive relationship with the wrong person can be very painful. But you are halfway cured by being able to realize that he is not good for you and it is his problem and you are indeed addicted. To boost your self discovery, I suggest you read the book "Real Magic" by Dr. Wayne W. Dyer. It's a self help book that teaches you how to be happy, healthy, successful and prosperous in daily life through positive thinking and actions. Alcohol is not helping things. Lay off of that if at all possible. It's a depressant and nothing good can come from it. Good Luck!
Reply:I actually went through what you're going through. I was dating someone when I was bulimic and he was not supportive and even would cause me to stumble with his hurtful words about food and whether I could really stand to eat whatever I happened to be eating. He was trying to sabotage me-seriously. But anyway, he also said that he never cared about me and that he just thought we looked good together. I had to go cold turkey from him-which was really hard! Every thing reminded me of him and I just wanted to call him and would invent reasons to "check on him" or "see how things are going" Thank goodness for my friends who took away my phone when I got those urges! The urge to speak to him lessened when I developed a life completely separate from him. Then and only then could I see how good it was to be free of someone who put me down!
Reply:I'm sorry for you. I'll pray for you. Try reading Psalms in the Bible.
Reply:i was in your shoes , last year .


my advice --- let go , and move on .


it was what everyone told me , i didnt listen .


but later on it was my only choice . i am glad i did .


what i did . i kept myself busy by crochet , buying


new cds to let of my pain ( the ones i like ) .


work-out at the gym , lost weight , got a make-over !


now i look hot-hot and ready to start over into


another relationship . other things i did ,


was read lots of books dealing with breaking up ,


and talk to lots of friends , try to break-up


before he does
Reply:There's good advice here above. Listen to it. Read it over and over when you feel the greatest need... and don't quit your therapist.
Reply:It's actually both of your problems. You need to stop drinking! Alcohol is a depressant substance, so it will not help with yours. And under the influence, you will say things that you would not say sober. And bah, humbug to the people that say in vino veritas. What you say with your inhibitions released is only what you FEEL about something, not what you really believe.





As far as help breaking up with him, if you're really sure you want to after a few weeks sober, then you just need to decide whether you want to continue hurting yourself or are willing to give up your pain. You've come a long way back from your bulimia. Don't throw it all away because you feel you don't deserve a good life!
Reply:You guys getting into drunken fights over the phone is not constructive. If this is not a one off thing, break off the relationship now and seek a more positive, empathetic relationship taking your time to so do. In the meantime go back , or seek, the support group(s) who can help you.


First, it sounds as though a sober, serious discussion is called for to clear the air about the insults thrown around during a drunken diatribe.
Reply:He is obviously not a good guy. You should fforget about him and move on in your life. My advice go get a mani pedi or have a spa day with your girlfriends.
Reply:Al anon. Works well with co-dependency issues. I don't think that your boyfriend is real conducive to you getting well. I also don't think that you deserve his abuse. It was mean and thoughtless, to say the least, what he told you last night. There are other 12 step programs that will help you deal with your co- dependency. Good luck. Hope this helps.
Reply:sorry for your pain , you need to understand the only way someones word's can really hurt you is if you let them. The best way to set up a really good defense against someone else doing the same thing is to volunteer and help someone else. Pour you whole heart into service for at least a week. Trust me the lord will provide comfort and the confidence to move on and grow emotionally. You have a true heart and you need to believe in your self before anyone can be allowed in your life.
Reply:I know it hurts. I've been through it, too. Don't work yourself over someone who tolled you he never cared and as you said, "..used you're most insecure secrets and used them against you..". You have to move on, leave him in the past. I know it's going to be hard, but everything takes time. Hang in there. I know you'll make it throw.


Good luck.

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