Ahh. We were going strong for a month. I know it isn't long but we both felt like we were perfect for eachother. One night it was "Night baby, I love you!" Next day, "well...I'm sorry but I don't love you anymore." That was 2 months ago. I can't get over her. I'm 16 don't know much about heartbreak. Been through it once but that was a long time ago. I thought for sure I was over her. But I keep falling in love with her. Why?? It's happened 4 times now. I haven't gotten over her. I want to, I need to, this is just killin me. I saw her with another guy, that tore me up. I don't cry often. But I've cried 3 times in the past month. I can't find someone else. There's no girl here that I really click with. They just aren't my type. How can I get over her? How can I stop this pain? It hurts so bad!! Share with me some of your stories. Thanks in advance.
O Please help a bleeding heart!?
Well my friend, your story sounded like a flashback from my life, same age even. I was lucky enough to be quite popular in high school, and as a result, was asked out by the girl for every relationship I ever had (I was rather shy with girls despite my popularity). However, the first one cheated on me while on a Biology trip, with some Brazilian guy she met for a day. Had to have my best friend tell me about it...but she felt so bad that couldnt tell me straight...she scrambled the word CHEATED for me (sounds silly in retrospect though...she meant so well by it though).
Literally torn in half by this, being it was my first GF, I sought solice in my many female friends. They were rather supportive, and I fell hard for another one. A summer of charm and her and I went out in the fall. This relationship was the one that parallels the one you told about. Left Homecoming dance with hugs, kisses, 'I had a great time', 'I love you!', came in Monday to a cold, and distant girl. Turns out she met someone over the weekend and she didn't feel that way for me anymore. Torn again, I kinda just brushed it off with other activities...but a few months passed and she tired of the guy she left me for, and came back for me. I happily accepted.....only to be torn apart.....again....a month later. She nearly got me a third time...but I finally "manned" up, and told her how I felt about what she'd done, about her and us, and about her.
This led to my 3rd "GF", a gorgeous friend of mine who helped me through the above BS that girl put me through. One day, while playing N64 no less, things just got...busy...between us, and I fell pretty hard for her, and she was totally into me. I felt slight guilt over this one though, as she was currently taken by a guy, though he was a genuine *** (who tells a girl their newly done nails look like ****...really????) A month of makeout bliss with this beauty and I thought I had it made...until she left me, pretty much for telling her I loved her (not in that needy sort of tone, but a deeper love...based on both our current relationship and our past few years of close friendship), and she left the guy she was with as well...for an even bigger *** (I heard he may have even hit her...the bastard).
All these official heartbreaks, coupled with heartbreaks with girls I never got a chance to go out with, but only crushed on (1 for SIX years!!) So...I know my share of heartbreak...seems especially devastating in the high school setting...but it passes, it always does. My advice? Take it with a grain of salt. CERTAINLY not as easy as it sounds. My mom had said with my first GF that it doesnt last...and I hated her for saying that at the time...but she was right. Don't let ANY girls get you that down. THEY....ARE....NOT....WORTH....IT. Hell, even thought of killing myself over a few...what a trip they put me through. I know where you're coming from man, there were many heartless...bitches...for lack of a better term in high school...but there were always people to support you after the matter as well. In my case, these girls lost face when they did it to me...I was like a martyr to the situation...lol.
Don't go back to this girl though. I went through that charade and it ALWAYS ended badly. Move on, find another girl (trust me, they're out there, I'm married now at 22) and keep kickin.
Lastly, probably the least constructive advice though, possibly channel the sorrow to anger. Dont go bombing a church or anything, but beat the hell out of something, or shoot things (things not people...). I was lucky enough to get some aggression out in the Army as Infantry but that may be a bit overboard for most. Just hang in there man, and just know that your a part of a HUGE club of brokenhearted fellows.
Sorry for the long-winded answer, but trust me when I know exactly how you feel.
Reply:Son, I am 57 and recently fell in love. But this love has been breaking my heart for four weeks now. I don't know the reason for this, but I have read that it results from disproportionate feeling toward each other. I have very strong feelings for her, but her feelings are less intense, and that is the source of my heartbreak, I believe. There are only two things to do: 1) read Dr. Love's system; and 2) find as many significant others as you can, and discover how wonderful nice girls can be in your life. I doubt that your flame intentionally hurt you, but you (and I) must go forward with our lives; and there are many wonderful women out there who will help you along the way. God bless
Reply:u are still young...focus on your study and that will fill up your time fast. maybe you didn't have a proper closure with her so you can't get over. or u have something else unsatisfactory so instead of enjoying your life, you switch your problem from what you wanna avoid and focused on her instead. talk to her to find out why she ended it and why you can't get over with her...then move on...do sports and study hard. shift your attention to something else...develop new hobbies~
Reply:Ah, and the saga begins.
My friend, yes you are young, but that pain you're feeling right now doesn't get any better as you get older. I'm about 20 years older than you and have felt what you are feeling at least 4 times! These things are going to sound corny and weak, but it's the truth.
Don't be afraid to cry. Many times (not so long ago in fact), I've laid down in the fetal position and cried my eyes out, weeks on end. I have an active life, and I remember coming home from work and thinking "now what?" The pain is so excrutiating that it becomes overwhelming. You can't sleep, you can't eat, you don't want to do anything, yet are terrified of being bored to tears. Sound familiar? We all go through it. And, I'm sure, we all think that no one else can possibly feel this pain. It's not supposed to hurt THIS badly.
And don't you just love the advice from your friends? "Just forget about her", "Move on", "Just get over it", lol. I almost tossed my best friend out of a bar one night when he gave me such ill-thought out advice!
Anyway, having said all that. Here's some advice you can choose to follow or not. It worked for me.
1. Keep smiling no matter how miserable it makes you feel. Sooner or later your body WILL follow.
2. Don't make her out to be more than she is. I'm sure she was great, but it's human nature to build her into a mountain when you can't have her. Don't build a delusion.
3. This sounds extremely harsh, but it works. Pretend she's dead and you'll never see her again. I mean, actually pretend this is true.
Lastly, if there is any chance in hell that you two will get back together, here's a definite. Treat it like a wound. The more you scratch it, the more it bleeds. It'll only heal if you leave it alone.
No offense to the ladies (I realize us men have corky traits too), but, don't try to understand why. It'll drive you insane! It is what it is. Once you realize and become strong enough to deal with that, then your healing will begin.
Good luck, and keep ya head up! We're all pulling for ya.
Reply:There is nothing wrong with being single, hun. And I will tell you this, revel in being single. Wait until you are done with high school to worry about relationships. And if you are planning on going to college, let me tell you, that is the best place to find someone. There is nothing anyone else can say or do to make it better. You just have to grow and be stronger. Don't hold onto something that won't ever happen because you might miss out on something better. Hugs.
Reply:Been there. No easy answers. Change your routine. It helps to change where you go, and when to reduce to the chance of running into her. It's hard but you have got to be strong and I know you can do it. Pick your head up and smile like you've got a secret. Try and tell yourself you are better off without her. I say that because it did soulnd like she was only hanging with you until what she thought as something better came along. So, don't take her back. Put her picture in an old box of stuff and put it in the garage or basement or attic. Out of sight, out of mind. You don't want to through it away because one day when it doesn't hurt, it'll be a nice piece of memorabilia to have in your year book. But, Dude. You need to get busy. I don't care if it's playing raquetball, soccer, or football, get some friends together and play some sports or get an afterschool job at an out of the way used book store. The busier you are, the less time you're going to have to think about "What's her name." Get it. You never know, the Right girl for you could tap you on the shoulder and say, "Excuse me, what section can I find books on the civil war?" You never know. It's destiny....
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